In today’s society, where extroverted people are more accepted, introverted people always find themselves facing challenges to fit in. However, more and more people are beginning to understand that not all of us have to fit in the same mold and just because some people prefer quiet times alone, it doesn’t mean they are socially awkward, and do not care about other people’s emotions.
If you are an extrovert who found yourself in love and or dating an introvert, here are 10 tips that can help you understand them and make your relationship more enjoyable and actually help work things out between the two of you.
1. Small talk oh small talk
It is what we do most of the time when we socialize with others, you know, talking about whether, a football game, so and so’s problems, gossips etc. Most of the time when we get together with other people it is perfectly acceptable with us to carry out conversations that don’t have deep meanings, in fact half of the time our hands and eyes are on our cellphones checking and updating our social media profiles. This is quite draining and boring for an introvert. Small talks like this are tiring and they don’t have a purpose for them. Usually when they find themselves in such situations they either find a way to quickly get out of them or if they can’t, they go home and they need days alone to recharge themselves. By nature, introverts love conversations that actually go somewhere, conversations that carry new knowledge for them, that give them new areas to explore. They love to communicate on this level not because they think they are smarter than others but because that is what feeds them emotionally and mentally.
2. Don’t call them or show up at their door unexpectedly
This includes useless (to them) text messages too. It is wiser to give them enough time to get themselves ready for the interaction with another human being. Introverts usually get stressed out and panicked when they unexpectedly find themselves in face to face or over the phone interactions. So if you want to plan a day out with them, don’t surprise them by ringing their doorbell saying, come on let’s go! Instead, make plans in advance and give them time to adjust to the upcoming event mentally. They will really appreciate it when they see you show respect to their privacy and it will make them respect you and trust you more. Because for them, it is a sign that you understand them and you are willing to make an effort to make them feel comfortable. It is a huge plus.
3. They can’t go out with you every time you want it
Extroverted people usually jump from one thing to another seamlessly, and most of the time they don’t really need much time to get ready to go somewhere and meet people. When your partner is an introvert, they will surely try to make an effort to join you in certain occasions but there will be times where they will prefer time alone. Do not take it personal and do not let it upset you thinking they don’t care about you, your friends or the things that matter to you. It is simply not true. Extroverted people get their energy levels increased when they are out and about and with others, but it is the complete opposite for an introverted person. If you were able to convince your partner to go to a party with you, have the understanding that they might want to leave sooner, even if it means they have to leave without you. Give them the opportunity to be able to leave if they feel uncomfortable, tired and drained.
4. Introverts are not socially awkward people
We know more today about how an introverted brain functions. They are not people you should be scared of, or sociopaths or people who hate everyone. In fact, introverts love and care about their family and friends just like everyone else. They should not be seen as someone you should keep your distance from because they appear to be a closed box. It just takes more time for them to open up and talk about themselves and show affection to others. There is nothing wrong with needing more time. It is also not an intelligence thing, or lack thereof. Introverted people pay more attention to what is going on around them and they are very good at analyzing people because they love observing everything. They can give you great advice if you need it. Because you will see how much they actually know and notice about people and places and how accurate their observations can be. This surprises extroverts most of the time because they never expect this kind of accuracy from someone who barely interacts with others.
5. Introverts are not rude
If your partner is an introvert, in time, when you get to know him/her you will see that they are not emotionally unavailable people and they are not rude. They care about your feelings and they try their best to be there for you when you need them. In the beginning you might find their lack of communication as rude or careless, but this is the process they need to figure out who you really are and if you are someone they can trust enough to communicate with. Once you show them you are sincere, then they will enjoy spending time with you, open up to you and help you whenever you need them. They can be the best confidants in the world because they know what privacy means. They are in general very gentle souls who are worried about hurting others because they don’t want to get hurt themselves.
6. Show them you really care
If you got to a point with an introvert where they are feeling comfortable enough to talk to you, then it means you made an effort to genuinely listen to them. For that, you deserve a big hug. The thing is, introverts immediately notice the difference between someone who really listens to them and someone who just pretends. Once they feel you are not really “there” but just physically present, they will immediately shut themselves down and just prefer to be alone.
7. Find activities you can both do together
You can have fun and a real good time with an introverted partner. It just depends on what you do. If you pick activities that involve you and him/her and not others, they will prefer that over going to a party or a bar with you. You can exercise together, walks on the beach, watching a movie at home, travel to quiet destinations… possibilities are endless.
8. Pick quiet places for dates
Instead of going to see a movie at a very busy time or going to a busy restaurant, try to pick low profile places like small restaurants, little cafes, time in nature. Crowded places drain them, they don’t feel comfortable when they are in the middle of a crowd at a restaurant or a bar. A concert may not be the best option. However if you pick a not so busy place for a dinner together, they will prefer it and they will have a good time with you.
9. They need time to trust you
Sincerity is one of the most important things for introverts. They can smell “fakeness” from miles away. So give the the time they need to trust you so they can communicate with you comfortably.
10. Respect their need for quiet alone time
This is just the way it is. They might tell you that they need to be alone for a little while. Do not see this as a sign of lack of interest. Do not take it personal. This is how introverts recharge themselves in order to find the courage and energy they need to interact with others. They find great comfort in their personal space and during their quiet, alone times.
This article 10 Things You Need to Know About Loving an Introvert was originally published here at isoulscience.com July 19 2016.