Top 30 Chuck Norris Jokes That Will Have You in Stitches

by freespirit
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Chuck Norris jokes never get old; they just get tougher, much like the man himself. Below is a compilation of the top 30 Chuck Norris jokes that have been circulating the internet, bringing laughter to comedy fans, internet culture enthusiasts, and Chuck Norris admirers alike. Whether you’ve heard them a thousand times or this is your first encounter, these timeless classics promise a good chuckle.

Here are 30 of the best Chuck Norris Jokes- Ever.

1. Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands. Now they’re just “the islands”

2. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, he decides what time it is.

3. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

4. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably..

5. Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

6. Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death, he wins fair and square.

7. Chuck Norris can hear sign language.

8. The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.

9. Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number, you answer the wrong phone.

10. When Alexander Graham Bell Invented Telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck.

11. When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn’t lift himself up, he pushes the Earth down.

12. Why do giraffes have long necks? Because Chuck Norris upper-cutted them.

13. Everybody’s loves Raymond. Except Chuck

14. Do you know why they are zero life forms on the moon? Chuck went there.

15. When ghosts sit around the campfire, they tell Chuck Norris stories.

16. Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits.

17. How does Chuck Norris chop down trees? With a roundhouse kick.

18. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

19. When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on. He turns the dark off. (Because even the darkness knows better than to stick around when Chuck Norris is in the vicinity.)

20. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. (The force of Chuck Norris’s speed and strength is enough to stop even the most continuously moving object in its tracks.)

21. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

22. Chuck Norris and Superman once had a fight, the loser had to wear their underwear on the outside of their pants. (I think we all know what happened.)

23. The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris before going to bed. (Even the creatures of our scariest nightmares have their own night terror, and his name is Chuck Norris.)

24. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

25. Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.

26. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

27. Chuck Norris makes onions cry. (Not even the most tear-inducing vegetables are immune to the potent force that is Chuck Norris. Instead, they weep in his presence.)

28.Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

29.Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, and fear of Chuck Norris is known as logic.

30. There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Bonus

31. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

These Chuck Norris jokes stand as a testament to the legendary toughness and eternal coolness of the man who has become an enduring Internet folklore hero. Remember, they’re not just jokes; they’re mini-tributes to the man, the myth, the legend that is Chuck Norris. Whether you’re a long-time fan or a newcomer to the world of Norris-inspired humor, there’s always a new punchline waiting to be discovered.

Featured image courtesy of pixabay

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